Spring Regeneration

I’m feeling that spring is in full swing at this point! With a few consecutive warm and sunny days up in New England, the renewal of this season has gone into effect. With new seasons, come new chapters in life.

This state of renewal has been flowing strongly through me. Winter seems to be a time of introspection, and boy did I inspect my inner self this winter! Major physical healing, emotional shifting, realization, and over all life transformation took place, for me. With spring at our heels, I feel ready to come out of my winter shell. I having been waking up joyful, to the sun beaming through my window, excited for the adventures to come of the day… and every day certainly is an adventure, it seems! I am awake and prepared for the next phase of this experience and all it has to offer.

I learned something very important this winter, at some point along the emotional roller coaster. I see that there tends to be an image projected at times, or at least there was an image that I attached to at one time or another, promoting that a constant state of bliss, happiness, or joy is the way of life and how we should feel at all times. A kind of fantasy emotional state of being. Maybe it was the teachers whose work I was following previously, or somehow just developed the idea in my head that perpetual bliss was how I should always feel in order to have an abundant, and happy life. Of course, blissful emotion and states of simplistic joy are embraced, welcomed and one of the best feelings in the world – I am not questioning that. Nor am I promoting that a negative attitude or living in a state of anger is normal, or healthy. Really, I came to the realization, that emotions of lower spirits such as a state of melancholy or a surge of anger for whatever reason, are normal. Our emotions ebb and flow like the rolling waves, and are sensitive to the experiences that come up in life.

I somehow cultivated this way of thinking, that if I wasn’t happy all of the time, there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t living my life the way I should be. I was unhealthy. I looked around at people, and moreso teachers whom I admired that seemed to live in these blissful states all of the time. You can imagine the fight that went on between my inner critic and myself, in my head. I was happy (and am very happy, currently) but would experience sorrow, anger, dull emotion, or random gloominess and really resent myself for it. I hated the fact that I wasn’t constantly blissed out, prancing around with a smile on my face. The surges of joy would come and go, and I would always wonder where they went. Why wasn’t I always just purely overjoyed?

Maybe it was the further study of Women, our bodies, and our emotions that brought on this realization, or maybe it was beginning to follow the work of teachers who were more real and open about their emotion. I say, it was probably a combination. Not that I follow the every move of those I study from, but of course we are all influenced by those who teach us on a large scale. My studies of Women, and my experiences with my female teachers kept coming back to the same conclusion: Times of low emotion are just as beneficial as time of higher vibration emotions.

When I found peace with these emotions that I resented myself for experiencing, those surges of bliss became much more frequent and even more intense. Interesting how that works, eh? I made peace with the fact that it is completely natural to experience anger, feel uninspired, or sad. Low times are our teachers. We battle with our emotions and dig up the roots of what brought on those feelings, thus healing ourselves on a deeper level. We are warriors on a quest to heal years, past lives, and the damages done to our earth over hundreds of years. Of course feelings of grief are going to come up, sometimes! Look at what has happened to our world over the years. Our cells are imprinted with the good, and the bad history.

Now, I have learned to embrace the emotions considered to be negative, as much as I do the positive ones. Both have valuable lessons to share with us, bringing forth growth and greater happiness in the long run. The bliss is ever greater, the love ever stronger, and the life ever better!

Feeling gratitude for it all – good and “bad” feelings, and the new chapter I have begun on this path.